There is nothing lonelier than the confirmation that a relationship is ending.  There’s that hollow pit at the bottom of your stomach that feels the sickening loss of the heart that is breaking above it.  Frustration yearns to scream, cast blame and spew angry words just to let out the demon inside that is causing so much pain.  You want to hate, so that hatred can replace the anguish and sometimes there seems to be an object for that hate.  Someone did you wrong.  You can vent and feel temporary relief and vindication.

Then there are times when there is really no one to blame.  It’s just not right, you want different things, and you can’t get past the issues.  Those times seem even harder.  Where is the vindication?  Who can you scream at or blame for the emptiness?  No one, except maybe yourself (which is true in either case).

We have choices, all of us and we have goals and dreams, each individual unto ourselves.  It’s hopeful when a relationship appears to be following a common path but crushing when the light shines on the truth.  Yes, there is compromise in all relationships but there should be no compromising values and dreams.  I firmly believe that.  “Let NO ONE steal your dreams or change your values.”  They are your individuality your unique gift to life.

As hard as a breakup is, I learned in the divorce of a 25 year marriage that compromising those two things is not only detrimental to self but to the relationship as well.   The underlying resentment always surfaces to haunt the union in destructive ways.

So when you know it’s over, let it be.  As with all hurt, we can’t avoid it, try as we might.  Get out the box of tissues, call all your good friends and drink herbal tea to sooth your stomach.  The door may have closed  but somewhere there is another one waiting to open….

~signed The Wacky Ex Wife