Whether you are the one who instigated the breakup or not, the end of any relationship is taxing on the emotional psyche.
And I should know, hard as it is to admit, I have done it enough times. They say, "when the time is right, the teacher shall appear". This time, I am truly grateful that not only did the teacher appear but the student was ready to listen and learn.
First, it is always important to remember:
Next, before you place blame, whether warranted or not, take a good hard look at yourself, your insecurities, emotions, demons from the past anything that may be contributing to your inability to find lasting love.
It is important to be aware of abusive natures in yourself and others. Abuse does not always mean physical harm. It can also be emotional and verbal. And whether is comes maliciously, unconsciously or whether it is reactive, abuse is still abuse and is to be avoided for the success of any relationship.
Some aspects of direct abuse that are not physically visible:
1. Controlling nature- in any form
2. Critical even in the guise of teaching or guiding
4. Inability to forgive
5. Inability to accept another without incorporating the first four.
Some aspects of reactive abuse that are not physically visible:
1. Fear of being controlled
2. Screaming and quick to anger
3. Throwing things
4. Flailing and hitting out of frustration and emotion but without the concious intention to physically harm
5. Distancing oneself as punishment
These are just a few traits that are cancerous to any relationship.
Whether you are a direct abuser or a reactive abuser, if a loving relationship is your desire, it is important to get to the deeper issues. I suggest a professional first and foremost but there are also many good books, tapes and meditations to help with these.
Believe me, erasing years of pain and insecurities is not an easy task, but one that is so well worth the outcome...