While I sat in my car on this beautiful sunny day waiting for my ballroom dance instructor to arrive I thought how grateful I was for this activity in my life. Dance is an unspoken expression of the soul and the ability to express and become one with life and spirit nourishes every sense of self.
Re-reading a fictional novel I began to write some time ago, I came across an excerpt:
Jaycee slid beneath the down comforter still in the shorts and tee she wore three days ago when she last confronted Frank.
Somewhere in the gloomy haze of consciousness, she heard the phone ring. She ignored it. She turned. Her body heavy as if laden by sacks of wet sand; the blue luminescent figures on the clock were a blur.
The ringing stopped. She reached and managed to pull the cord from the wall. She knew she should eat but just the thought made her hurl. No, she was going no where. Falling back on the pillow, energy expended she closed her eyes again.
The sun and moon kept vigil of her fitful slumber like a loyal guard. Sticky sweat caressed her body and the sudden urgent need to pee woke her. Damn, life really does go on. Jaycee peeled back the comforter and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She rose too quickly. Her legs folded. How long had she gone indifferent to life, without food or bath? Like Scarlet falling on the ground of Tara in total desperation and failure, she fell back on the bed sobbing. What do I do, where do I go? Twenty five years making a life all for nothing. Jaycee wiped the tears from her eyes. She shoved her head under the fluffy pillow as if to suffocate the thoughts from her mind.
My heart went out to Jaycee (pseudo me) but I couldn’t help but smile. The experience was miserable but, dare I say, worth it. When I wrote that I couldn’t see past my own grief. I was dependent on people and things outside myself for happiness. The color and light of the world had faded. While I never would have chosen divorce, there seemed to be a reason and a light to unveil that was so desperately needed.
-signed The Wacky Ex-