Okay, here it is - the first of many entries on the amazing roller coaster ride of relationships with ones self and with others. I've kept a journal on and off but no need to air all the dirty rantings and bitchy ravings. (Well, at least not in my first post) Most of my friends and family think I'm crazy enough. They say us "(B)Witches", can fly so let's start here when you'll catch me only occasionally in flight.
Three years since my ex and I split the bed pillows after a quarter of a century marriage and I can finally say "thank the chips in a chocolate cookie," I am no longer tied to that disaster but I went through the storm of my life and am I ready to move over and adjust those pillows again? For this Wacky Ex, I think not. Yes, I've been in a relationship since; ONE. But many of my friends who have been separated or divorced much less time than I, have fallen in love several times since, have shacked up or dated every time they change their underwear. (um, hopefully daily) Okay, I’m a bit slow and more independent than most but where’s the fire alarm, what’s the rush.
Dating, yuck. Never could get the hang of it. Make sure you're on your best behavior for awhile and your partner too just so some time can go by when you get SMACKED right in the eye with the truth of who you both really are. Nope, show 'em your WORST right upfront and for quite some time so they really get it. That's my motto. It can only get better from there, right. Assuming we make it past there, of course.
I guess those that are not dysfunctional, like me, probably won't assume the other will hate you when they get to know you (it's better to know right away, right) and they won't assume they're ass holes trying to trick you for the greater purpose of sexual satisfaction. Oh, tell me true diary, put together or not, those thoughts are there for everybody, right? Come on, tell me, or my next action is a trip to Baskin Robbins for gobs of Peanut Butter and Chocolate ice cream.
I get it. It's uncomfortable being alone at times, maybe most of the time but boy there is so much fun in learning to be comfortable with yourself and I am supposed to be working on all that "dysfunction, right?" You know the old cliché, "You have to love yourself before blah, blah blah..." I hate to admit it but it is true.
Of course, I could be like my dumb Ex. When he say's "I Love You," he is really saying, "Please love me because I can't love myself." But hey, when several therapists tell you he's a sociopath what did I expect? (Nope, luckily you don't get to ask. It's my diary remember?) Okay, maybe you do if you contact me, but I don't have to answer you know.
Sadly, lots of men and women are like that. They look for someone else to make them happy. Ain't happening! Won't work! I know first hand the pressure that puts on someone. I've learned to revel in being alone, not lonely, there is a difference
-signed The Wacky Ex-