Geez, no wonder relationships take so much work. It takes two hundred repetitions to change basic instincts to any new action. TWO HUNDRED, according to John Grey author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
In order for Venusians to get on with Martians there must be some change by both parties; not in our feelings but in our reactions to those feelings. And we have to exhibit that change TWO HUNDRED times, before it becomes second nature. Seems to me, we’d be dead before we got it right that many times. But, what the heck, what else do we have to do with our time and our life.
When a woman is not feeling nurtured and supported, she has no love to give. She retreats into what John Grey calls the well. The way to make her feel nurtured and supported is to LISTEN to her, let her talk. And when a man retreats to his cave, he has no love to give. He retreats to his cave when a woman tells him what to do and how to do it and doesn’t feel appreciated for the very small things he does.
Women need to talk to sort out their feelings and to release stress. Whether or not a resolution is the outcome, just the act of talking makes her automatically feel better.
Men don’t feel the need to talk, they just need to feel their feelings and they feel them by hearing other people’s problems. There is the catharsis. They can actually help each other, what a concept.
Besides, they say when a man listens, really listens to a woman, it is the most effective act of foreplay two people can take part in and I wholeheartedly agree. Come on people, it’s a no brainer!
Oh boy, put your boots on, it’s getting deep.
Unfortunately, it is up to the man to unlock or open the door into the woman’s world. She must feel validated, understood, cared for, respected and above all listened to with empathy BEFORE she is willing to appreciate, trust and accept a man. according to Grey, when a woman retreats into the well, she will only come out of it when a man understands why she is in it. No amount of fixing or trying to pull her out of the well will work. In fact, it will keep her there longer.
Look, I’m no expert but I would suggest reading and watching John Grey’s stuff. His videos are terrific and more easily understood for people who don’t like to read. You’ll get a good laugh out of it too, maybe some tears, but yin yang, good, bad; it’s what makes the world go round.
~signed The Wacky Ex~