Are you kidding me? Didn’t I just say I was grateful not to be in that disastrous marriage? Yep, I sure did and I really meant it. Then what the heck happened today? There I was driving nicely, within the speed limit I might add, down the boulevard with my drink of choice, non fat cap, in hand when my head glanced in the direction of my Exes workplace.
Now, I’ve often taken this route, but today he was standing in the yard and in an instant my eyes happened to focus in the distance right on him. No, it wasn’t clear but I could never mistake that silhouette.
For a moment it was like, oh gee; maybe I’ll just swing in and see how his day is going. Huh? What? No wait; you’re not his wife anymore dummy. As a matter of fact, there is someone else with that title as of two weeks ago. Never mind he’s known her less than a year and the month he met her he was trying to get back in YOUR pants and a few months before that there was yet another someone he wanted to marry. Never mind all that stuff. You are most definitely NOT his wife.
Then why are my hands itching to turn the wheel around. No don’t do it! Dang, it was the car, the car decided to turn around not me. Who is boss anyway; turn this car back in the direction of your life…. Do it, NOW… Okay, thank the gods, I came to my senses. I know, I know, I’ve been asked many times, “Why do you want to see him anyway? He was a jerk to you for so long.” Yeah, yeah, I know and I really don’t want to see him. Well at least I think I don’t. Yep, nope I really don’t.
And therein lays the revelation. Feel me on this one, dear diary, after three years and many more than that of hell, he still feels like family. Everyone has family members that do jerky things; mean things, horrible things; you know the lie through their teeth while looking you straight in the eye and caught red handed but spinning the story so well they make you believe YOU’RE nuts, but guess what? They are still family, right? Maybe we can’t respect them or trust them or agree with their choices but the heart knows what the heart knows.
I forgave him long ago for all the crumby things we experienced and faced my own shortcomings in the matter and I do realize that to try to maintain a friendship with someone who has low self esteem, lies and doesn’t have a stable grasp on reality is impossible, so why does my heart and mind still magnetize toward that end.
Hmm, who doesn’t have a stable grasp on reality?? Oh boy… The long and winding road….
-signed The Wacky Ex-